Ok so I understand that this status and all of its complexities are a little confusing, so I will address each individual party individually. You're welcome in advance.
Christopher: What the hell are you talking about? And why are you wearing a pirate hat? And when did you and "today" start getting so intimate, what with the dick sucking and all?
Joe: There is this new thing on facebook called a WALL. Use it appropriately.
Christy: No one thinks you're cool because you, too, made a drug reference.
'Aunt Nan': If you look at your nephew's facebook status and it alludes simultaneously to marijuana and fellatio, DO NOT comment.