Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Oh gee, what a surprise. David is naked and everyone is drooling. I'm tempted to post the exact same update and see what my friends would say. Would they like it? Would I get a wowza? It'd be interesting to see. But it's just not worth it -- posting a status update like that is crowning yourself D-bag of the year and I don't want to enter that competition. David would so win. (Note that Chris and Stewart are most likely gay.)
Monday, June 29, 2009
I can't even take how annoying this guy is. First of all, "..." does not equal a dramatic pause. Secondly, you want someone to take your heart "far away so that [you] can't feel it anymore"? Over it. And finally, just to reiterate his subtle point, he notes that "this seriously hurts...can't eat..."
Go grab a tube of cookie dough and stay under the covers for a few days (and off of facebook) so that we all don't have to share in your mind-numbing and annoying pain.
*I also admit that I had to remove all the comments because this post would have been 17 pages long, but trust me, the comments were just as lame as the status'.
Friday, June 26, 2009
a) 23 rocks. It's only a boring age because you're boring.
b) No one cares about your debt. Everyone has debt.
c) Quit trying to make everyone feel bad for you on your birthday. Isn't it bad enough we have to pretend to care about you long enough to write "hope your birthday is a great one, scott" on your wall?
Btw no one tried to call you.
Can we wait at least, like, 5 minutes before dancing on Michael Jackson's grave? Jaimie and Stefani seem to have crowned themselves intellectually and morally superior to the rest of the world just because they remember that MJ wasn't perfect (and somehow steer the conversation to white supremacy?) I'm not going to start lauding MJ right now, but he did more than "put out a few pop songs and might have molested children."
Also, I hate to get all preachy, but let him who is without sin cast the first stone. When I die, is Jaimie going to show up at the funeral and say, "I don't really care. She had a really bitchy blog"?Death is pretty heavy. Maybe we should leave it out of our status updates. What do y'all think?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Nothing makes me happier than a good old fashioned annoying status call out. Here we have Chelsea flaunting a relaxing day by the pool in the company of some girlfriends. Meanwhile, Megan is not pleased*.
Sassy and/or rude comments almost make annoying status' worthwhile. Send in facebook call outs like this to email@example.com and make my day.
*Note the lack of punctuation, contraction, and capitalization for added fervor.
Your first update about doing 800s on the track was super boring the first time, and not impressive enough for me not to believe you. So you did not have to confirm that you were actually following through with your promise to do laps around the track.
The Only Time This Kind of Confirmation is Necessary:
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Also, what does that even mean? You got blindsided by a piece of sticky paper hanging from the ceiling while you were flying around annoying people? Sounds about right.
Why doesn't everyone just save the hassle of coming up with fly-related metaphors about their shitty lives and just put a sad face in place of their profile picture. Unless you all have a better idea to replace this sad-status nonsense?
Our generation's preoccupation with one-upping everyone else's "awesome" time
One too many viewings of Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or any other romantic comedy that distorts women's ideas of what they can reasonably expect from men
A subscription to Cosmo starting at the age of 11, just old enough to be reading tips on sex and how to snag a man
and you get an overexcited, man-chasing female named Brittni (God-given name, I'm sure) who can't spell or least chooses not to.
(Thanks to our anonymous submitter!)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Yeeeeah, I love it when married people are fat too. It really helps me get through each day of my lonely, single life. But the thing is, when you say it out loud it kind of makes you sound like a bitch.
Oh look, Emily posted the status from her phone. I guess she couldn't wait to let everyone know she won that break-up. And when someone is Facebooking at the club, you know it's a good night.
We thought nothing was worse than a dead Grandmother status update, but we were wrong. Pet obituaries go even lower. Lauren adds to the annoyance by commenting on her own status, urging friends to memorialize Buddy with an uninteresting anecdote that nobody else cares about.
To top it all off, there is a photo of Buddy (wearing a sombrero?), something we have not yet seen in dead-relative/pet status updates.
The rules keep changing -- what on earth will we see next? May this blog live to eternity, or until the last annoying status has been squelched. Whichever comes first. Most likely the former.
Friday, June 19, 2009
So why is she putting this on Facebook? Hmmm. I can't think of a good reason either.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Ok, we get it Bridget. You live in New York City and you want everyone to know it by using your hipster NYC lingo. Oh. Whats that? You're just visiting? Well that's even more pretentious. Oh wait, we're abbreviating too?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
What on earth did Aaron do after he had a good workout before Facebook was invented? Run around town announcing at the top of his lungs his latest treadmill accomplishment? At least then I could have run him over with my car. Wow. That was too mean. But I'm annoyed.
I'm also skeptical. Do you have any idea how fast this is?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thank you, Karina, for saying what everyone was thinking: why? Status updates shouldn't be so complicated that they require an additional explanation... that also makes zero sense. Do whatever you want with wine, cheese, and visa applications, but leave me out of it -- I'm uninterested.
If you're going to take such a harsh stand (via facebook...), perhaps don't be such a tool about it.
Friday, June 12, 2009
People like A have been annoying others long before Facebook was invented -- since the birth of civilization. Cavewomen like A prolly went around talking about how much in love they were and would get smacked by other cavewomen who wished they were in crazy love too, or had better things to think about. Because really, who needs to be forced to hear this? And we all know this is just going to make Kara start drinking again.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It's been said that Gen Y-ers are notorious for being selfish, and I've always agreed. Like, announcing your birthday on Facebook: soooo Gen Y. But announcing your anniversary with Greenpeace? Is every day an honorary Hilary day in Hilary-land? What will we be celebrating tomorrow? The anniversary of the first day you realized how the TV remote control works?
-Only announce the anniversary of your entrance into an organization if the organization is bizarre, such as the Compulsive Masturbation Assistance Group (CMAG).
-Wait. I don't care about that, either. Just don't announce the anniversaries of joining an organization at all. Only announce anniversaries that are important life milestones such as birth and death.
-Wait. I don't care about that, either. No self-anniversary announcements anymore, k?
Monday, June 8, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Is it heartless of me to think this update is annoying? I think about my Grandma too, on special days, and have my own private rituals to honor and remember her. But that's private. This seems more like a Public Service Announcement that Peter is a sensitive guy, and it's totally working. Chicks love this stuff, and at it isn't a stretch to imagine that at least 16 of them saw this update and wanted to start ripping their panties off for Peter. He'd make such a great dad!
(This was a great reader submission. Thanks! Keep 'em comin', guys!)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Thanks for the honesty, Jason.