There are so many things wrong with this. I will list them now for your convenience.
a) Why does Heath think we want to know anything about his envelope-escapades?
b) That is going to BLOW for whoever is trying to open this glue-stick sealed parcel ("old faithful" my ass).
c) Naturally there couldn't be a mention of "licking" without someone making some suave sexual reference. Good one, Chris.
d) Why is Heath's umbrella so huge?
This status is like an I Spy of hot mess. Can you spot more things wrong with it?