We Moved!

The hilarities continue - we moved to a dot com!

http://www.yourstatusisannoying.com

Like, The Hugest News Ever, Probably.

UMMMM... you guys are missing the party. Now it's over here on yourstatusisannoying.com. We did this for you lazy readers who were tired of taking the time to add that extra "blogspot" to the URL. YOU'RE WELCOME! Now to go the new site, send us some new annoying status updates, and let's have fun and make it greater than ever. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

XOXO

#222

Part of the reason I loved this submission was that our submitter, C (THANKS!) titled the e-mail “Holy Shit” and prefaced it by saying, “I need brain bleach. Check out this make-you-throw-up-in-your-mouth post.” There’s nothing like starting your week with a “Holy-Shit-Brain-Bleach-Throw-Up-In-Your-Mouth” e-mail. I was excited to spread the love.

C also attached a photo of Iris, which makes this whole thing even more barf-worthy:

New rule: if you’re going to make pussy/vag references in your status updates, you must be at least a total babe and practically naked. No Golden Girls need apply.

#221

I sort of hope that the "stupid little girl" in question is not Elinor's daughter. I mean, how "little" are we talking? And is that in reference to her size or her age? Mind you, I don't think it's very nice to slander little people OR children.

I think we can ALL agree that Elinor should somehow smelt her anger (?).

Thanks for the submission!

#220

Did Ankur become a doctor just so he could brag to his friends about cardiology? I hope he doesn't get laid for this. There is so much wrong with this status I don't really know what to say. So I'm relaying a message from our submitter, K (thanks! xoxo):

So ankur....ugh. does he have to update his status about every milestone in life? what's next? currently screwing my trophy wife...badass? grosssssssssssssssss.

Word.

#219

We know that Emily is obsessed with the gym, but she's really jumped the shark. I'm not your momma but girl, keep that white upper thigh to yourself.

Maybe I'm just upset because I'm not making as much progress as Emily. I've totally plateaued. But then again, I look like this.

#218

I thought it was bad when Lauren got six comments about her dead pet, but 26? Really? Will we never learn NOT to update our status' about dead animals?

And just to annoy Samantha... click here!

#217

I woke up to this in my In-Box, with the following note attached:

Oh Exalted One:

You may be blazing the trail to Facebook salvation, but you just took 2 steps backward. I bet you still have a Myspace page.

Love and Kisses,
Samantha

Now, I've always known that I love Annoying Status Call Outs, but the question is: do I love it when someone calls me out on my own blog? The answer is yes, yes I do. Thanks for being such a smart-ass bitch, "Samantha."

#216

I think you're confusing the words "dying" and "annoying."

#215

Please consult this young lady for all your geography/lesbian questions. She seems to have graduated from some sort of genius academy. Before this update was submitted to us, (thanks, A!), I didn't know Lesbos was a country in Greece, either!!!! But I'm sure she's right.)

#214

Get ready y'all, it's time for a FACEBOOK MONTAGE! That's right, whenever something so kick-ass or heinous happens and rocks your news feed like a computer virus that just won't quit, we report on it - nay - we MONTAGE it.

Here we have a small sampling of folks with a mixed reaction to the news that President Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize. While Kelly, clearly an avid peace-maker herself, is frustrated with the decision, Mark questions how this decision will affect Obama's adversaries. Jaymeeeeeeeee is just pissed that her girl Oprah lost (again!).

Me? I'm just happy that all these intelligent and independent thinkers have given me something to MONTAGE about.

#213

This status update has it all. Emily kicks off the conversation with a completely inane statement, followed by way too many !!!!!s, she gets schooled by Sarah, Dad brings down the mood with some threatening remarks, Darius adds some comic relief, and Dad even jumps back in for some slightly inappropriate banter. I laughed, I cried, I popped off some stains in tha back seat. (?)

(I actually pulled this from thefrisky.com. Hope that's okay, Frisky! Thanks!)

#212

Submitter, A., writes "Its like we get it, your phone gets the internet. Welcome to five years ago." I couldn't have said it better myself. Maybe Joseph and Steve need to start hanging out in 2004.

Also, don't forget to become a fan on facebook. I die a little inside every time you don't... so, you don't want that on your conscience. Click here to become a fan!

#211

Thanks for facilitating this captivating conversation, Rosie. Your grasp of Canadian culture is remarkably astute, and your sage commentary proves you are wise beyond your years. When's the book coming out?

#210

Why does love always feel like a battlefield? A battlefield! A battlefield! I guess you better go get your armor (get your armor!), get your armor.

#209

Somebody get this girl a diary, fast. One with a lock on it. That way, Stephanie can keep on having her mind-boggling ephiphanies and nobody has to be subjected to them. Since this was submitted to us (Thank you kindly, J!) I have no idea how many more things Stephanie learned today. Clicking on "Read More" would probably have been a huge mistake.

#208

This is more-so embarrassing than annoying, but really it's both, so I posted it anyway. Not only is Ashley (who is in her mid-twenties) so dedicated to facebook's FarmVille that she writes a desperate status about it, but she also both "liked" and commented on her own FarmVille-centric status. Awesome.

Also note: become a fan of YSIA on facebook NOW... and tell your friends. Because I can't tell my friends. Because I make fun of all my friends here.

#207

Really? Well if you see her can you tell her nobody cares? She seems to be under the impression that writing her own status in the third person will make it seem less stupid. But she is wrong. (We KNOW how this status update thing works, Rosie. We KNOW it's you typing. Stop acting like you have an auto-biographer documenting your every AWESOME move.)

(Thanks to the submitter, K!)

HUGE NEWS - we're on facebook!

Ok, so there is this new website I just found that I thought you all might love. Its called facebook.com (formerly thefacebook.com).

I know what you're thinking... it sounds exciting, right? Well it is.

Even more exciting? We're on it! So you had better become a facebook fan of Your Status is Annoying (YSIA), or we're going to put your status' on our site. Just kidding, we'll do that either way. But seriously, become a fan. We have zero right now. So GO DO IT!

#206

Perhaps this should have read "My bouquet of fruit AND BEAR from my hubby."

Unless, of course, the fruit is from both your hubby and from bear... in which case, I'm pretty pissed because bear got me nothing for my birthday this year.

#205

This is amazing. This is like art imitating life imitating art imitating dumb-ass status' imitating awesome-ness. We need more of this, stat.

Thanks to Em for the submission, and to Callan for owning up to his YSIA qualifications.

#204

I've thought about it: The only thing that would annoy me more than hearing two people in the battle of Who-Loves-Who-More is if they each were to sit on one of my knees and start making out in my lap.

Christina has already managed to soil my status update feed with her unbearable telephone conversation, so I wouldn't be surprised if she found out some way to subject me to watching her and her boyfriend in some serious PDA on my status feed, too.

#203

My reaction upon reading this post:

"Oh, Gawd!" Turn away in horror

I am anti-hernia, I am anti-hearing-about-anyone's-hernia and as hard as you've tried throughout your lifetime John, you have rendered yourself un-datable with this status alone.

Disclaimer: for those of you who want to Google hernia, do not do it at work. The resulting images are NSFW.

#202

Keep this shit on Twitter.

#201

"Are you quite finished? Or shall I fetch my Stradivarius?" --William F. Buckley

Think this kind of "How do people do it?" thing, and you are an asshole. Say it outloud, and you're a rude asshole. Write it in your status update, and you're a rude, annoying, asshole. You're three for three, Joseph!
(Thanks for the submission, J!)

SNARK OFF WINNER!

Thanks for playing, guys! We were truly moved to tears by the beautiful comments our bomb-ass readers submitted. You're all winners!

Well, only one of you gets the GRAND, MO-FO of a prize: the $15 iTunes gift card. So let's give it up for MEL, who had this to say about Emily's annoying status update:

Hey! I wonder how many random boys would add you if you went topless?

Ha! Short, sweet, and biting -- it made us all laugh. Congrats, Mel! Thanks for reading and submitting and being bitchy enough to enter our contest. You rock, we love you, etc. etc.

That was fun! Stay tuned for more contests in the future.

#200

Listen, we all love Australia. Right? Right. So then why is Alex being such a douche about Australia??? And what does Hector mean about the definition of a drought? It's pretty clear! What is going on here?!

I'm frustrated, angry, and feeling alienated from my fellow man right now.

Oh, and a shout out to our submitter M!

#199

This entire post is from the desk of our reader, J. J writes:

Dear lovely, blogging, and mildly judgmental friends,

Of all of the annoying statuses I see every day, this ranks among the most embarrassing. Dearest Halie, complete with her strange, period-costume profile picture, is apparently attempting to convey her nonchalance regarding her ex's engagement by...telling the world how over it she is.

Good luck with that, Halie.

Also, I'm rooting for Pam - let's hope her "Ouch!" is directed at Halie for being an over-sharer and in denial.

Kisses,
J

Thank you for the eloquent submission, J. Keep up the good work, and I won't even have to write anymore. I'll just sit back, sip my tea, entertain the Duchess in the parlor, and take up croquet, which is what I feel like doing after reading your very proper, neat wordage. Love you!

#198

Usually when people want to boast about their celebrity sightings (because that makes them... cooler?) they usually slip it into the convo or at least add an interesting detail. Like, "OMG I was totally drinking a cosmo and SJP came up and ordered one too! No joke!" Or, "Next to Kathryn Heigl on the elliptical and she is literally working her ASS off." But Pamela cuts straight to the chase: she is on sighting numbers TWO and THREE -- that's ALL you need to know about Pamela to know that she's awesome.

She probably has some kind of point system, too, like maybe JT is 1400 points (editor's note: i have no idea who that is) and Jessica (editor's note: no idea) is 920. So she might be up to, like a kabillion points by now. But then again, as we all know, getting YSIAed is negative quatzillion points, so it looks like Pamela has some catching up to do. Tip for you, Pam: a Jesus sighting is infinite points. Let the searching begin. (Thanks for the submission, K!)

#197

Reading this status you might think that Senna is illiterate. I sure did. At first you think she hates how it's raining and sunny (something about her use of the word "bytch" and "f*ck," I guess) but then she calls it the "beautifullest thing eva." Color me confused.

But I'm thinking of her use of "bytch" and maybe it's like she's reclaiming the word for womankind. Like how gays took back the word "queer." Fyck! She's an intellectual.

#196

Really? Everything? Even your status and your profile picture?

Then I guess we agree on something...

#195

First of all, Corey, use your words. I'm positive that your newborn son is more eloquent than you... not that you'd know since you're not allowed to see him (I zinged him!). Secondly... yeah what a bitch, bein' all mean an' stuff just 'cause he cheated.

Thanks for the post Valerie W! And for the record, I totally agree Corey: i hat being in love withsome on what would love to kill u. You seem like a really good dady.

#194

Woah woah woah, part of Inglorious Basterds was in French and German?? I thought I just didn't understand it because it was nonlinear and violent!

As an aside, I guess that means you're in Europe. Subtle, Marcus. Subtle.

#193

Did you get that Vince? Don't piss off Nancy -- she's not fucking around. This is some SERIOUS shizz-nat. Our submitter, B, says "she's always 'wearing her heart on her sleeve' with some ambiguous type update... annoying!" Agreed.

As for you, Nancy... I'm not going to be glib about this. I'm going to be immature and mean. YOU HAVE BEEN YSIAed. (Pronounced Yeeeeee-seeaaahhheddddd!) That's Your. Status. Is. Annoying. Ed.

Another thing, Ms. Smartypants: I totally did not have to look up the word glib. (LIE!)

#192

Did you guys know that if you don't re-post a chain status you get back luck for 10 years? Also, if Obama cannot read my status (Really? B/c it's not like I privatize. I'm on Facebook for the celebrity.) does that mean that Padma can't read my status when I post "Bring back Mattin! if you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day." that she can't read it either?? That sucks!

#191

At first, I thought Bridget was over-sharing... I thought, "No one wants to know if you have a migraine." But then along came Beth, and well, she makes Bridget look down right secretive.

It almost makes you appreciate Twitter's character limit.

#190

Secrets, secrets, are no fun.
Secrets, secrets, hurt someone. make people want to punch you in the ovaries.
Especially if you're really annoying about them, like Tara is.

Tara isn't one of my friends, this was submitted to us (Thanks, J!). But I sort of want to friend Tara just so I can un-friend her. (Take That! Bee-yotch!) That would make me feel better about all this ridiculousness, anyway. But J, you shouldn't un-friend her. I bet she has tons of awful statuses, and you should definitely send them to us for our enjoyment. C'mon, take one for the team.

#189

Let me break this down for you...

#188

My guess? Alien Abduction + Full Lobe Lobotomy. Or wait... did you talk like this before? Then I have no idea. You're just an idiot. (Thanks for submitting, J!)

#187

Woah there, cowboy. Remember how when we catch our boyfriend fucking another guy and confront the piece of poo in a bar, we "take it outside"? Let's take this one outside, too. Facebook messages are totally private these days. And they won't -- like this wall post -- show up on hundreds of update feeds. Because while it's admirable to want to expose your cheating beau to everyone in Facebook Land, it's almost not worth it when you have to admit you don't know how to delete your Facebook friends.

But if you're voyeuristic at all, enjoy drama, or regularly watch the Jerry Springer Show, you might be pretty happy to find this in your status update feed.

(Thanks for the submission, N!)

#186

This status is too easy to make fun of. WAY too easy. Instead of ripping on Shae, I'll say this: David, you're hired.

#185

As sure as taxes and death, there are two things people at your office are guaranteed to talk about: their kids and their colds. Both of which are boring. A couple times a year "something is going around," and in the five minutes before a meeting starts or hijacked on your way to the coffee pot someone inevitably tells you about their perilous road to breathing through both nostrils. Then you're forced to look sad for them while someone else makes a joke about not wanting to catch the germs. Best of all, "Don't get me sick! I've got kids!" (True story.)

People are crazy on Facebook, but at least it's mildly interesting. This just makes me feel dead inside.

#184

I'd shit all over Katie, too, if she was my mom. Can someone please call Child Services? This woman is a maniac. Also, y'all totally have my permission to just shoot me if I ever act like this when I'm a mom.

#183

Still can't decide whether or not anyone cares what you are for halloween... still torn between oh no wait, I've decided. No one cares.

Just because you're allowed to put in on facebook doesn't mean you should.

#182

Yeah, Teri. We put you in ISRAEL so we wouldn't have to put up with your shit anymore. So stop trying to annoy the hell out of us from halfway across the world. And we know it's your birthday. Facebook told us. Wait, it's not even your real birthday yet? If I send you some goddam flowers, will you stop talking?

(Thanks for the submission, K!)

Enter the Your Status is Annoying Snark Off!

Dear pals,

Y'all are cordially invited to participate in the your status is annoying first-ever SNARK OFF. If Emily's update annoys you, e-mail your wittiest, most hilarious comment ABOUT HER STATUS UPDATE to yourstatusisannoying@gmail.com. The person who rips this shit to shreds with style will win a $15 iTunes gift card. (So don't forget to include your mailing address when you send us your comment.) Do it now! You have until Wednesday, September 23.

A few tips: Being mean is really easy. Be smart. And often the funniest comment isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you read the update, it's the second or third.

And if nobody enters, then I'm just going to spend the $15 on a bunch of Kanye West songs. How could you beeee so heartlessssss?

#181

Terms of use violation! Soliciting back massage on Facebook?? Is this kind of like saying, "Come and get it boys?" I think it is.

#180

There are so many things wrong with this. As I have in the past, I will conveniently list out said offenses for you now.

1. If you're putting the total cost on the tip line, than you aren't nearly doubling your tab, you are literally doubling it. 16+16=16 doubled.

2. Don't parade your dumb-ass life mistakes around facebook. It's not cute and quirky... its dumb-ass.

3. Maybe if you spent less time at the bar and more time doing anything else, you wouldn't make such mistakes.