#170

Well, which is it? Which genius mind creating this amazing piece of lady-liberating poetry — Marilyn Monroe or Sex and the City? I need to know so I can accurately attribute the quote in my diary.

Women are wild.

#169

This status is only annoying if you're Eric, and you have to find out via Facebook that your mother is an idiot who can't remember the date a melon-sized human shot out of her vag, and thinks a wall message is like a Genie with time traveling capabilities.

But if you're not Eric, this status is just hilarious. So thanks for sending it to us, J!

#168

Hey, Chris. Could you please get this bullshit off M's news feed? He is "fucking annoyed." He shouldn't have to suffer just because you like to waste your time taking tests that tell you you're quiet, shy, mature, and SEXY. (Thanks for the submission, M!)

#167

Since Katie is the only one who's ever been in another country, she's gonna be straight with us: America sucks, and it's nearly impossible to function in this God forsaken country when you're as cultured as she is. She was once as we are, but she has been abroad, and back, and boy, oh, boy. It's better on the other side. Too bad we're all too primitive to understand. That's the price you pay, Katie, for being so awesome. Sucks to be you.

#166

Elizabeth has actually offered some excellent advice. Cookies are delicious and hypochondriac Mel probably just needs to stay off Web MD. But notice that two people "like" that Mel might be dying. You really need to be confident in your likability before you go posting things like this people. No "John Stamos spit in my face!" (like!) or "I just fell down the stairs :(" (like!). The truth hurts.

#165

Yes, that is indeed what "virtually painless" means -- it's sort of self evident -- and I guess you're making a joke ("lol") but it kind of sounds like you were conned into something really bad. Like with contraptions or a glass box or something. What is it??

On second thought... does it have to do with working out?

#164

Ready for the Pink Headache Train? I am always skeptical when someone is this optimistic about everything. Who are they trying to prove their happiness to? Why must we all know about it?

Sarah reminds me of Pollyanna, and I always suspected that there was an alternate ending in that movie where the entire town hunts the optimistic little blonde sprite down and gives her a good ass whooping because they're so sick of her "everything makes me glad" bullshit. I'm thinking that might happen to Sarah -- her friends seem to be on to her.

Sometimes people are optimistic and it makes me want to be a better person. But I vomited twelve times when I was reading these submitted statuses (Thanks, C!!). Do you think Sarah could find something AMAZE about that?