#7

This is the part where a profile change from "in a relationship" to "single" would have sufficed. And to be clear, here is a list of things that are eras:

1. The Big Band Era
2. The Precambrian Era
3. The Elizabethan era

Things that are not eras:

1. That time in your life you were 'Sonia and Some Dude Forever'
2. Back when you used to play soccer.
3. Pants.

And as the submitter Matthew commented, "Abuse of the ellipsis is by far the most annoying status 'technique'." (Thanks, Matthew!)

#6

Woah there, Amy. I know this is some pretty exciting stuff, but it doesn't sound like you can handle it. Does anyone have an extra straight jacket they'd like to lend Amy?

#5

Kari has blown away all my assumptions about annoying status updates. TMI and terrible song lyrics as statuses will be a damning legacy of our era but at least we've come to expect it.

This is like... a knock-knock joke. Or do you think "the girl" is really Kari? And why is C Justin enabling her?

(Thanks, Chad for the submission!)

#4

Well you let us know when you are in the same place at the same time as Jennifer Aniston. Oh wait, I won't care then, either.

#3

What's the rumor? What's happening?!
....No, come on, tell me.
Really, why won't you tell me Kristen?
I really want to know!!!
TELL ME RIGHT NOW OR I'M GOING TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

#2

Oh yeah? Well I'm climbing Mt. Everest (30,000 feet). And I don't have a Sherpa. Or oxygen. And I've been surviving on M&Ms. And I'm carrying 4 babies on my back. And I'm aerating the soil as I go and planting trees to sprout in my wake. And I pretty much invented mountain climbing anyway.

#1

I WANT TO DO YOU!!!!!!!